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Books : Parenting & Families : Adoption
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"Birthdays may be difficult for me."
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
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Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control covers in detail the effects of trauma on the body-mind and how trauma alters children’s behavioral responses. The first four chapters help parents and professionals clearly understand the neurological research behind the basic model given in this book, deemed, “The Stress Model.” While scientifically based in research, it is written in an easy to understand and easy to grasp format for anyone working with or parenting children with severe behaviors. The next seven chapters are individually devoted to seven behaviors typically seen with attachment-challenged children. These include lying, stealing, hoarding and gorging, aggression, defiance, lack of eye contact, and yes, even a chapter that talks candidly about how parents appear hostile and angry when they work to simply maintain their families from reaching complete states of chaos. Each of these chapters talks in depth on these specific behaviors and gives vivid and contrasting examples of how this love-based approach works to foster healing and works to develop relationships, as opposed to the fear-based traditional attachment parenting approaches that are being advocated in today’s attachment field. The authors end with a Parenting Bonus Section. True testimonials from parents who have been able to make significant changes in their homes with this model of parenting, giving real-life examples of how they have been able to find the healing, peace, and love that they had been seeking prior to working through the techniques outlined in this book.
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"An extremely useful parenting handbook... truly outstanding ... strongly recommended."
--Library Journal (starred review)"A tremendous resource for parents and professionals alike."
--Thomas Atwood, president and CEO, National Council for AdoptionThe adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family--and addressing their special needs--requires care, consideration, and compassion.
Written by two research psychologists specializing in adoption and attachment, The Connected Child will help you:
- Build bonds of affection and trust with your adopted child
- Effectively deal with any learning or behavioral disorders
- Discipline your child with love without making him or her feel threatened
"A must-read not only for adoptive parents, but for all families striving to correct and connect with their children."
--Carol S. Kranowitz, author of The Out-of-Sync Child"Drs. Purvis and Cross have thrown a life preserver not only to those just entering uncharted waters, but also to those struggling to stay afloat."
--Kathleen E. Morris, editor of S. I. Focus magazine"Truly an exceptional, innovative work . . . compassionate, accessible, and founded on a breadth of scientific knowledge and clinical expertise."
--Susan Livingston Smith, program director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute"The Connected Child is the literary equivalent of an airline oxygen mask and instructions: place the mask over your own face first, then over the nose of your child. This book first assists the parent, saying, in effect, 'Calm down, you're not the first mom or dad in the world to face this hurdle, breathe deeply, then follow these simple steps.' The sense of not facing these issues alone--the relief that your child's behavior is not off the charts--is hugely comforting. Other children have behaved this way; other parents have responded thusly; welcome to the community of therapeutic and joyful adoptive families."
--Melissa Fay Greene, author of There is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children
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Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems.Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.
Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner
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One rainy day in Brooklyn, Jennings Michael Burch's mother, too sick to care for him, left him at an orphanage, saying only, "I'll be right back." She never returned. Shuttled through a series of bleak foster homes and institutions, he never remained in any of them long enough to make a friend. Instead, Jennings clung to a tattered stuffed animal, his sole source of warmth in a frightening world. This is the poignant story of his lost childhood. But it is also the triumphant tale of a little boy who finally gained the courage to reach out for love-and found it waiting for him.
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Your Hurt Child Can Heal and Grow.When a child is adopted, he can arrive with hurts from the past—pain that stunts his emotional growth, and your family’s life, too. At some point your parenting dreams can shatter, and raising a hurt child becomes more like a burden than a blessing.
But don’t give up. With time, patience, informed parenting, and appropriate therapy, your adopted child can heal, grow, and develop beyond what seems possible now. From insights gathered through years of working with adopted kids who have experienced early trauma, Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky explain how to manage a hurting child with loving wisdom and resolve, and how to preserve your stability while untangling their thorny hearts.
"We hope that what we share will give you strength, courage, and commitment," write the authors. "We hope you will tap into your own resources and creativity to become the parent you’ve always wanted to be."
If you’ve adopted a child, whatever the circumstances, you’ll find hope and healing on these pages––for you, your family, and especially your adopted child.
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From Alaska to Australia the word is spreading. Adoptive parents are discovering the enormous value of adoption lifebooks. But then the questions begin. Where do I start? What information should be included? Do I let my child bring it to school?Beth O’Malley M.Ed. provides the answers to these and more. In her best selling book, LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child Beth guides you though the process, step-by-step and page by page as if she were right there with you.
Learn about the difference between a scrapbook or baby book and a lifebook. Or explaining tough truths, dealing with secrets and which pages are essential.
Newly revised 2002
Dozens of real life stories
Lists of hard-to-find lifebook resource websites
Sample pages for international and domestic
Special waiting parent section.
If you get really stuck, there are three full-length examples in the back section, including one for China adoptions.
Her life experiences as an adoptee combined with doing lifebook seminars with adoptive parents all over the country, gives Beth a special perspective on lifebooks. Most importantly, Beth has made countless lifebooks with children in her role as an adoption specialist in Massachusetts.
Beth O’Malley has helped thousands of adoptive families give their children the answers and security they crave.
This book is an indispensable guide to making your child’s lifebook. You will refer to it for years to come!
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Current wisdom holds that adoptive parents should talk with their child about adoption as early as possible. But no guidelines exist to prepare parents for the various ways their children might respond when these conversations take place. In this wise and sympathetic book, a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist, both adoptive mothers, discuss how young children make sense of the fact that they are adopted, how it might appear in their play, and what worries they and their parents may have. Accounts by twenty adoptive parents of conversations about adoption with their children, from ages two to ten, graphically convey what the process of sharing about adoption is like.
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Finally, a comprehensive parenting book for adoptive families! Over 100 contributors have helped EMK Press to weave a stunning tapestry of advice specifically for adoptive parents. Parenting adopted children requires parenting with an extra layer and this book helps you to understand where that extra layer falls. This 520 page book is a wealth of information for the newly arrived home family and the experienced family as well. This is "What to Expect" for the adoptive family. It is a book you won’t read all at once, but come back to again and again as your child’s awareness of who they are and how they came to join your family develops and your awareness of how to parent them evolves.Our adopted children come to us from loss–loss of a birthfamily, perhaps a culture, and sometimes language. There are helpful things that we can do to address these issues, and Adoption Parenting helps you to create an awareness to do just that. We also look at stumbling blocks to good parenting, and standard parenting practices that aren’t the best solution for adopted children.
We look at the core issues all members of the adoption triad face, and look at how that affects standard parenting challenges like sleeping through the night, discipline and attachment. We cover specific challenges families have faced: FASD, trauma and PTSD, sensory integration, speech and language delays, learning issues, food issues, racial differences, and at ways to effectively parent a post-institutionalized child.
We also look at how each of us has been parented and how that affects the parenting choices we make for our children. There is a section which includes articles on Post Adoption Depression, the importance of support networks (both for your children and for yourself) and when and how to find therapists if that is warranted. The book is filled with resources and links to help find more information on a specific topic as your parenting or your child needs.
The contributors to this book include professionals in their respective fields like Dan Hughes, PhD; Arthur Becker-Weidman, PhD; Beth O'Malley,MEd; Adam Pertman; Ellen Singer, LCSW-C; Laurie Miller, MD; Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS; Barbara Elleman, MHS, OTR/L, BCP; Marcy Axness, PhD; Christopher J. Alexander, PhD; Sharon Glennen, PhD, CCC-SLP; Doris Landry, MS, LLC.
Contributors also include parents who have had to learn to parent the children who have come to them. Many of these parents have become experts as well! The advice and the wisdom they have to share is honest and heartening. Adoptees who are now adults have shared experiences on their growing up that are interwoven in the book and there are contributions from birth mothers as well.
Each person comes to parenting from a different place and the needs their children have are unique. Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections allows the reader to choose which tools are helpful for their particular situation and which are not. This isn't a book about what you have to do to parent, but about perspective, awareness, and understanding that overlays how you parent. This book is designed to help each of us become the best parents for our children and to offer support and connections for families on the journey of adoption parenting!
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With the unmistakable authority of a clinician, Dan Hughes builds a stirring story around the composite figure of Katie-a fragmented, tormented, isolated little girl in foster care whose terror, shame, rage and despair drive her to deeds like lacing the family hamburger with her own feces-in order to expose the tragedy of the attachment-impaired child. A Jason Aronson Book
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Like Passages, this groundbreaking book uses the poignant, powerful voices of adoptees and adoptive parents to explore the experience of adoption and its lifelong effects. A major work, filled with astute analysis and moving truths.
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Hannah's Hope provides healing and hope for women that have faced pain of miscarriage, infertility, or a failed adoption.
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A powerful and groundbreaking revelation of the secret history of the 1.5 million women who surrendered children for adoption in the several decades before Roe v. Wade
In this deeply moving work, Ann Fessler brings to light the lives of hundreds of thousands of young single American women forced to give up their newborn children in the years following World War II and before Roe v. Wade. The Girls Who Went Away tells a story not of wild and carefree sexual liberation, but rather of a devastating double standard that has had punishing long-term effects on these women and on the children they gave up for adoption. Based on Fessler's groundbreaking interviews, it brings to brilliant life these women's voices and the spirit of the time, allowing each to share her own experience in gripping and intimate detail. Today, when the future of the Roe decision and women's reproductive rights stand squarely at the front of a divisive national debate, Fessler brings to the fore a long-overlooked history of single women in the fifties, sixties, and early seventies.
In 2002, Fessler, an adoptee herself, traveled the country interviewing women willing to speak publicly about why they relinquished their children. Researching archival records and the political and social climate of the time, she uncovered a story of three decades of women who, under enormous social and family pressure, were coerced or outright forced to give their babies up for adoption. Fessler deftly describes the impossible position in which these women found themselves: as a sexual revolution heated up in the postwar years, birth control was tightly restricted, and abortion proved prohibitively expensive or life endangering. At the same time, a postwar economic boom brought millions of American families into the middle class, exerting its own pressures to conform to a model of family perfection. Caught in the middle, single pregnant women were shunned by family and friends, evicted from schools, sent away to maternity homes to have their children alone, and often treated with cold contempt by doctors, nurses, and clergy.
The majority of the women Fessler interviewed have never spoken of their experiences, and most have been haunted by grief and shame their entire adult lives. A searing and important look into a long-overlooked social history, The Girls Who Went Away is their story.
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For the growing audience of adoptive families, Chronicle Books is proud to offer a baby book that suits the wide array of experiences and choices that bring a family and their new child together. This lovely keepsake album contains sections to record all the joyful milestones and cherished family moments that mark a new baby's life, pages to chart the adopted child's unique journey, as well as a sturdy pocket in which to store important documents and memorabilia. Inside the pocket are over 60 stickers you can use to customize the family tree pages. As the pages of the journal fill with memories, My Family, My Journey will stand as a lasting testament of love for the entire family.
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THE NEW FACE OF ADOPTION.Fewer and fewer families adopting today are able to bring home a healthy newborn infant. The majority of adoptions now involve emotionally wounded, older children who have suffered the effects of abuse or neglect in their birth families and carry complex baggage with them into their adoptive families. Adopting the Hurt Child addresses the frustrations, heartache, and hope surrounding the adoptions of these special-needs kids.
Children who have endured emotional and physical atrocities, failed reunifications, and myriad losses associated with multiple moves in the foster care system not only present unique challenges to their adoptive families but also impact greater society in significant ways. Integrating social, psychological, and sociopolitical issues, Adopting the Hurt Child explains how trauma and interruptions affect these children's normal development and often severely undermine their capacity to function in a loving family and in society.
Written in a non-technical style accessible to a diverse audience, Adopting the Hurt Child brings to light grim truths, but also real hope that children who have been hurt can be healed and brought back into life by the adoptive and foster parents, therapists, teachers, social workers, and others whose lives interact with theirs.
"This book is filled with relevant, timely, and specific information for adoptive parents: How are children damaged? What are the age-specific problems, and most important, what are the solutions? Dr. Keck and Mrs. Kupecky clarify issues of parenting, treating, and working with abused or damaged children. All parents who adopt children at risk should make this a 'must read' book!"-Foster W. Cline, M.D., coauthor of Parenting with Love and Logic
"In the 18 years I have spent advocating for children and their families in the child welfare and legal system, Adopting the Hurt Child is one of the finest and most helpful books I have ever read. It should be required reading for anyone contemplating adoption-special-needs or not. It should also be required reading for all foster parents, child welfare professionals, and policy makers. Keck and Kupecky's book is a scathing indictment of a system that often treats children like objects. It is, however, an indictment that offers solid advice, guidance, and hope."-Barbara J. Ruhe, Esq., attorney and adoptive parent
"Adopting the Hurt Child thoroughly and realistically examines many issues affecting adoptive families. Through readable prose interspersed with actual case histories, the authors clearly outline the challenges of special-needs children, but also suggest ways in which parents can work with children to help them make sense of their past and build a better future."-Joe Kroll, executive director, North American Council on Adoptable Children
"Keck and Kupecky's profound and compassionate understanding of attachment-strained children and their adoptive families brought me to tears throughout the book. The poignant insights into a child's needs and the development-enhancing parenting techniques in Adopting the Hurt Child will benefit any parent."-Martha G. Welch, MD, author of Holding Time
"Adopting the Hurt Child should be read by all adoptive parents, adoption workers, and clinicians who struggle to meet the need of deeply disturbed children. Keck and Kupecky advocate the importance of accurate diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder and offer pages of advice and clear examples of the ways parents and therapists can become effective helpers in a child's struggle to make significant connections."-Kenneth W. Watson, MSW, LCSW, former assistant director of the Chicago Child Care Society, and coauthor of Adoption and the Family System: Strategies for Treatment
"Each year, more than 13,000 children come to their families in the United States through intercountry adoption. I am pleased that this revised version of Adopting the Hurt Child includes a chapter on intercountry adoption and the issues that it involves. As international adoptions increase, it is helpful to have the thoughtful, sound advice that is presented with such candor in Adopting the Hurt Child."-Susan Soon-Keum Cox, adoption advocate and adult adoptee from Korea
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A thorough resource for couples who want to adopt a child takes readers through each step in the adoption process, from choosing an agency to bringing a child home, and discusses international adoptions, state requirements, medical issues, and other topics. Original.
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