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Books : Reference : Encyclopedias : Humor
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History, n. an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. Self-Esteem, n. An erroneous appraisement.
These caustic aphorisms, collected in The Devil's Dictionary, helped earn Ambrose Bierce the epithets Bitter Bierce, the Devil's Lexicographer, and the Wickedest Man in San Francisco. First published as The Cynic's Word Book (1906) and later reissued under its preferred name in 1911, Bierce's notorious collection of barbed definitions forcibly contradicts Samuel Johnson's earlier definition of a lexicographer as a harmless drudge. There was nothing harmless about Ambrose Bierce, and the words he shaped into verbal pitchforks a century ago--with or without the devil's help--can still draw blood today.
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A number-one bestseller, this is a comprehensive catalogue of all the misconceptions, mistakes and misunderstandings in 'common knowledge' that will make you wonder why anyone bothers going to school. Now available in this handy pocket-sized edition, carry it everywhere to impress your friends, frustrate your enemies and win every argument.
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Many of the earliest books, particularly those dating back to the 1900s and before, are now extremely scarce and increasingly expensive. We are republishing these classic works in affordable, high quality, modern editions, using the original text and artwork.
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The Encyclopedia of Immaturity® has been such a hit that we’re following up with a second book. The Encyclopedia of Immaturity® Volume 2 includes thought-provoking topics such as how to slide down a banister, what we talk about when we talk about wedgies, how to send a toilet gram, and more. It’s all new and all hopelessly goofy.Comes With: shenanigans galore
Create wonderful things Be good Have fun
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The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.
America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people.
Critics are like pigs at the pastry cart.
Describing something by relating it to another thing is the essence of metaphorical thought. It is one of the oldest activities of humankind—and one of the most impressive when done skillfully. Throughout history, many masters of metaphor have crafted observations that are so spectacular they have taken up a permanent residence in our minds.
In I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like, quotation maven Dr. Mardy Grothe fixes his attention on the three superstars of figurative language—analogies, metaphors, and similes. The result is an extraordinary compilation of nearly 2,000 feats of association that will entertain, educate, and occasionally inspire quotation lovers everywhere.
In this intellectual smorgasbord, the author of Oxymoronica and Viva la Repartee explains figurative language in a refreshingly down-to-earth way before taking readers on a tour of history's greatest word pictures. In chapters on wit, love, sex, stage and screen, insults, politics, sports, and more, you will find quotations from Aristotle and Maya Angelou to George Washington and Oprah Winfrey.
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Scandals, Seduction, Addiction, Adultery, Horrific Fashions—And the White House?!?
Your high school history teachers never gave you a book like this one! Secret Lives of the First Ladies features outrageous and uncensored profiles of the women of the White House—complete with hundreds of little-known, politically incorrect, and downright wacko facts. You’ll discover that:
• Dolley Madison loved to chew tobacco
• Mary Todd Lincoln conducted séances on a regular basis
• Eleanor Roosevelt and Ellen Wilson both carried guns
• Jacqueline Kennedy spent $121,000 on her wardrobe in a single year
• Betty Ford liked to chat on CB radios—her handle was “First Mama”
• Hillary Clinton dreamed of being an astronaut
• And much, much more
With chapters on every woman who’s ever made it to the White House, Secret Lives of the First Ladies tackles all of the tough questions that other history books are afraid to ask: How many of these women owned slaves? Which ones were cheating on their husbands? And why was Eleanor Roosevelt serving hot dogs to the King and Queen of England? American history was never this much fun in school!
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ENJOY THE MOST HILARIOUS QUOTES OF ALL TIME
Presenting the best of the best from AllGreatQuotes.com, this uproarious volume features gems on every topic, from sex and money to spouses and politics. Bringing together clever remarks from celebrities, politicians, thinkers, comedians and generally funny people, this collection of snappy quotes will leave you in hysterics.
God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
Robin Williams
Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde
The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
Homer Simpson
When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his fi rst name was Always.”
Rita Rudner
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
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Finally in paperback—with lots of brand-new jokes from today's top comedians.
What could be funnier than a great joke? How about 2,000 great jokes? In this side–splitting compendium, revised and updated and featuring a new introduction by Drew Carey, members of the world-renowned Friars Club and other comedians provide zingers for every occasion, situation, and taste.
Organized alphabetically and by topic, this book is made for browsing, but it's also perfect for finding icebreakers for social occasions, adding a touch of humor to business speeches, and spicing up toasts.
Hundreds of the best-known comedians are represented, including Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Lewis Black, Ray Romano, Milton Berle, Carol Burnett, George Burns, George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Phyllis Diller, Bob Hope, Alan King, Richard Lewis, Bob Newhart, Rita Rudner, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and tons more.
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Ali G: How many words does you know?
Noam Chomsky: Normally, humans, by maturity, have tens of thousands of them.
Ali G: What is some of 'em?
—Da Ali G ShowDid you know that both mammal and matter derive from baby talk? Have you noticed how wince makes you wince? Ever wonder why so many h-words have to do with breath?Roy Blount Jr. certainly has, and after forty years of making a living using words in every medium, print or electronic, except greeting cards, he still can’t get over his ABCs. In Alphabet Juice, he celebrates the electricity, the juju, the sonic and kinetic energies, of letters and their combinations. Blount does not prescribe proper English. The franchise he claims is “over the counter.” Three and a half centuries ago, Thomas Blount produced Blount’s Glossographia, the first dictionary to explore derivations of English words. This Blount’s Glossographia takes that pursuit to other levels, from Proto-Indo-European roots to your epiglottis. It rejects the standard linguistic notion that the connection between words and their meanings is “arbitrary.” Even the word arbitrary is shown to be no more arbitrary, at its root, than go-to guy or crackerjack. From sources as venerable as the OED (in which Blount finds an inconsistency, at whisk) and as fresh as Urbandictionary.com (to which Blount has contributed the number-one definition of alligator arm), and especially from the author’s own wide-ranging experience, Alphabet Juice derives an organic take on language that is unlike, and more fun than, any other.
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Study up on Stink-isms from A to Z! A super-funny compendium of wacky
facts with compulsive appeal for fans of Stink and Judy Moody alike.
Where can you view the world’s oldest ham? Who holds the record for the world’s loudest burp? The answers to these and many, many more essential questions can be found in Stink-O-Pedia — just the sort of reference book that Stink Moody, who reads encyclopedias in his spare time, might make up himself. From J-for-Jawbreaker (and how long it would take an average frog to digest one), to P-for-Professional Smeller (and other strange but true careers), to Y-for-Yeti (why not?), this volume contains enough amazing stuff to keep readers saying "No way!" for a googolplex* of years. At the back of the book, facts are cross-referenced with related Stink and Judy Moody titles.
* See the letter Z-for-Zero!
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Ponder, if you will
What happens to your Social Security number when you die?
Why are peanuts listed as an ingredient in plain M&Ms?
Why is Barbie's hair made out of nylon, but Ken's hair is plastic?
What makes up the ever-mysterious "new-car smell"?Pop-culture guru David Feldman demystifies these topics and so much more in Do Penguins Have Knees? -- the unchallenged source of answers to civilization's most perplexing questions.
Part of the Imponderables® series, Do Penguins Have Knees? arms readers with the knowledge about everyday life that encyclopedias, dictionaries, and almanacs just don't have. And think about it, where else are you going to get to the bottom of how beer was kept cold in the Old West?
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This is a pre-1923 historical reproduction that was curated for quality. Quality assurance was conducted on each of these books in an attempt to remove books with imperfections introduced by the digitization process. Though we have made best efforts - the books may have occasional errors that do not impede the reading experience. We believe this work is culturally important and have elected to bring the book back into print as part of our continuing commitment to the preservation of printed works worldwide.
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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, everyone is familiar with the tired clichés: women are bad drivers and are not good with money; only guys play video games and they give bad directions. Dan Abrams tackles the toughest case of his career in Man Down. Drawing on years of legal experience and research studies, Abrams explains step-by-step why women are better than men in just about every way imaginable, from managing money to flying planes to living longer. Abrams uses his trademark charm to get his point across without opining on the issue himself. Chock-full of fun facts and conversation starters, this book may not end the debate of men versus women, but it will definitely make it more interesting.
Praise for Man Down:
"a provocative collection of bite-size pro-women essays"
-Wall Street Journal
"compelling, controversial"
-Glamour
"I've always liked Dan Abrams. And now that he's charmingly admitted what we all knew anyway, I like him even more!"
-Liz Smith
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A dictionary for those who perceive a difference, a handbook for Superior Persons who love words.
Are you an Anglophile? (Stout fellow!) Just stand at this springboard and leave the fields of popinjay jabber and tongue-stumped battology behind forever! Step up for big dividends in the giddy heights of superior speech. Are you a rasorial searcher after words? Are nouns your bread? Adjectives your butter? Verbs your little salad? Adverbs your house dressing? Well, then, this is the book to shiver you futtocks! Put an end to fopdoodly speech; amaze your friends, baffle your enemies, write interoffice memos to end all discussion! Peter Bowler will teach you the practical riches of saying it well with good words, neglected words, precise words for vocabular exultation. A Superior Person is not defined by income, class, or sex. A Superior Person uses Superior Speech. And, if Aristotle's definition of art as something both entertaining and edifying is still toasted with glee, then there's art a-chock-a-block in Mr. Bowler's dictionary - a funny, useful, and elevating little book.
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Drawing from diverse personages -- Goethe to Churchill to Woody Allen -- Robert Byrne has mined a collection of wit and wisdom that deserves a special place on every humor lover's bookshelf. These unique, witty, and outrageous quotations, previously published in four separate volumes, are now gathered together in a seemingly limitless trove of pithy and often irreverent one-liners, retorts, put-downs, jokes, and last words that cover every conceivable subject and will appeal to every taste. Highlights include:"Start every day with a smile and get it over with." -- W. C. Fields
"Men read maps better than women because only men understand that an inch can equal a hundred miles." -- Roseanne Barr
"Happiness is having a large loving family in another city." -- George Burns
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From the creators of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Book of Useless Information-a collection of even greater insignificance.
More useless than ever before! Impress know-it-all friends with this all-new hodgepodge of frivolous facts and silly statistics that no one really needs to know. But honestly, how cool is it to find out that...
? There is a place in Maryland called Monkey's Eyebrow
? Giving yellow flowers is a sign of bad luck in Russia
? One brow wrinkle is the result of 200,000 frowns
? Paper can be made from asparagus
This is the book that will also tell you...
? The meaning of 'mageirocophobia'
? Where it is illegal to kill a butterfly
? Huckleberry Finn's remedy for warts
? What bodily fluid the Romans used as a hair treatment
And much, much more!
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'Almost 40 years ago, Crews mocked post-war academic fashions in The Pooh Perplex, a set of scholarly essays on A A Milne's great bear. Now bear and dons are back for a fresh dose of pin-sharp...A guilty treat for all survivors of Post 1970's arts degrees.' Boyd Tonkin. The Independent 'Fred Crews is a Person of Very Great Brain. What he pooh-Poohs, deserves it. Reading this book actually makes me grateful that I toil in the jargon-choked fields of psychology instead of the impenetrably murky caverns of literary criticism. But literary criticism is luckier than psychology: It has Fred Crews to light the way.' Carol Tarvis 'If literary theory can generate a book as funny as 'Postmodern Pooh', you have to love it.' Elaine Showalter in the London Review of Books 'A brilliant and savagely witty skewering of the combatants on all sides of the academic culture wars...Pitch-perfect lampoons...This is the last academic satire you'll ever need to read.' The Washington Post
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Will Wilford Wiggins finally part the kids of Idaville from their hard-earned allowances? Can Encyclopedia stop Sally from belting Bugs Meany into the next millennium? What happens when performance art comes to Idaville? To find the answers--and to solve the mysteries of the sleepy beagle and the shower singers--read the continuing adventures of the world's most famous boy detective!