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Books : Entertainment : Humor : Self-Help & Psychology
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The Instant New York Times Bestseller He's Just Not That Into You -- based on the popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.
Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."
He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's Just Not That Into You. And then set yourself loose to find the one who is.
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He’s a charming monster . . .
A macabre hero . . .
A serial killer who only kills bad people
Dexter Morgan has been under considerable pressure. It’s just not easy being an ethical serial killer—especially while trying to avoid the unshakable suspicions of the dangerous Sergeant Doakes (who believes Dexter is a homicidal maniac . . . which, of course, he is). In an attempt to throw Doakes off his trail, Dexter has had to slip deep into his foolproof disguise. While not working as a blood-spatter analyst for the Miami Police Department, he now spends nearly all his time with his cheerful girlfriend, Rita, and her two children, sipping light beer and slowly becoming the world’s first serial couch potato. But how long can Dexter play Kick the Can instead of Slice the Slasher? How long before his Dark Passenger forces him to drop the charade and let his inner monster run free?
In trying times, opportunity knocks. A particularly nasty psychopath is cutting a trail through Miami—a man whose twisted technique leaves even Dexter speechless. As Dexter’s dark appetite is revived, his sister, Deborah (a newly minted, tough-as-nails Miami detective) is drawn headlong into the case. It quickly becomes clear that it will take a monster to catch a monster—but it isn’t until his archnemesis is abducted that Dex can finally throw himself into the search for a new plaything. Unless, of course, his plaything finds him first . . .
With the incredible wit and freshness that drew widespread acclaim to Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Jeff Lindsay now takes Dexter Morgan to a new level of macabre appeal and gives us one of the most original, colorful narrators in years.
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A major bestseller and already acclaimed as a science classic, this collection of 20 true tales of individuals stricken with astonishing neurological disorders has sold over 70,000 copies. (Pscyhology)
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A NOTE FROM JEN LANCASTER:
"To whom the fat rolls…I'm tired of books where a self-loathing heroine is teased to the point where she starves herself skinny in hopes of a fabulous new life. And I hate the message that women can't possibly be happy until we all fit into our skinny jeans. I don't find these stories uplifting; they make me want to hug these women and take them out for fizzy champagne drinks and cheesecake and explain to them that until they figure out their insides, their outsides don't matter. Unfortunately, being overweight isn't simply a societal issue that can be fixed with a dose healthy of positive self-esteem. It’s a health matter, and here on the eve of my fortieth year, I've learned I have to make changes so I don't, you know, die. Because what good if finally being able to afford a pedicure if I lose a foot to adult onset diabetes?"
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Bawdy, joyous, messy, hysterically funny, and guaranteed to offend regardless of religion, race, national origin, sexual orientation, or profession Between the Bridge and the River is the debut novel by Craig Ferguson, host of CBS's The Late Late Show. Two childhood friends from Scotland and two illegitimate half-brothers from the American South suffer and enjoy all manner of bizarre experiences which, as it turns out, are somehow interconnected and, surprisingly enough, meaningful. An eclectic cast of characters includes Carl Jung, Fatty Arbuckle, Virgil, Marat, Socrates, and Tony Randall. Love, greed, hope, revenge, organized religion, and Hollywood are alternately tickled and throttled. Impossible to summarize and impossible to stop reading, this is a romantic comic odyssey that actually delivers and rewards.
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Bawdy, joyous, messy, hysterically funny, and guaranteed to offend regardless of religion, race, national origin, sexual orientation, or profession Between the Bridge and the River is the debut novel by Craig Ferguson, host of CBS's The Late Late Show. Two childhood friends from Scotland and two illegitimate half-brothers from the American South suffer and enjoy all manner of bizarre experiences which, as it turns out, are somehow interconnected and, surprisingly enough, meaningful. An eclectic cast of characters includes Carl Jung, Fatty Arbuckle, Virgil, Marat, Socrates, and Tony Randall. Love, greed, hope, revenge, organized religion, and Hollywood are alternately tickled and throttled. Impossible to summarize and impossible to stop reading, this is a romantic comic odyssey that actually delivers and rewards.
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Now a classic! The hilarious novel of the healing arts that reveals everything your doctor never wanted you to know. Six eager interns -- they saw themselves as modern saviors-to-be. They came from the top of their medical school class to the bottom of the hospital staff to serve a year in the time-honored tradition, racing to answer the flash of on-duty call lights and nubile nurses. But only the Fat Man --the Clam, all-knowing resident -- could sustain them in their struggle to survive, to stay sane, to love-and even to be doctors when their harrowing year was done.
From the Paperback edition.
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Every so often a character so captures the hearts and imaginations of readers that he seems to take on a life of his own long after the final page is turned. For such a character, one book is not enough—readers must know what happens next. Now Dean Koontz returns with the novel his fans have been demanding. With the emotional power and sheer storytelling artistry that are his trademarks, Koontz takes up once more the story of a unique young hero and an eccentric little town in a tale that is equal parts suspense and terror, adventure and mystery—and altogether irresistibly odd.
We’re all a little odd beneath the surface. He’s the most unlikely hero you’ll ever meet—an ordinary guy with a modest job you might never look at twice. But there’s so much more to any of us than meets the eye—and that goes triple for Odd Thomas. For Odd lives always between two worlds in the small desert town of Pico Mundo, where the heroic and the harrowing are everyday events. Odd never asked to communicate with the dead—it’s something that just happened. But as the unofficial goodwill ambassador between our world and theirs, he’s got a duty to do the right thing. That’s the way Odd sees it and that’s why he’s won hearts on both sides of the divide between life and death.
A childhood friend of Odd’s has disappeared. The worst is feared. But as Odd applies his unique talents to the task of finding the missing person, he discovers something worse than a dead body, encounters an enemy of exceptional cunning, and spirals into a vortex of terror. Once again Odd will stand against our worst fears. Around him will gather new allies and old, some living and some not. For in the battle to come, there can be no innocent bystanders, and every sacrifice can tip the balance between despair and hope. Whether you’re meeting Odd Thomas for the first time or he’s already an old friend, you’ll be led on an unforgettable journey through a world of terror, wonder and delight—to a revelation that can change your life. And you can have no better guide than Odd Thomas.
From the Hardcover edition.
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“Val Frankel is a woman of amazing insight. . . . Read this, weep, and heal.”
—Stacy London, cohost of What Not to Wear
You’ve heard the phrase “the mirror is not your friend.” For Valerie Frankel, the mirror was so much more than “not a friend.” It was the mean girl who stole her lunch money, bitch-slapped her in the ladies’ room, and cut the hair off her Barbie.
If you’re like 99.9 percent of women, the war you wage with yourself over your body image begins at the ripe age of eight, and the skirmishes are fought for the next eight decades. Sometimes you don’t even know when you’ve won. (How many of us have taken out a photo from high school and thought, “Hey! I looked great—why didn’t I know it?”) This book is for anyone who has spent most of her life on—or thinking about being on—a diet. It’s for anyone who ever wished for candlelight in dressing rooms. It’s for anyone who has ever owned a pair of “fat pants.” In short, this book is for anyone who ever felt good or bad about themselves based on how they look.
Valerie Frankel, like most women, has spent most of her conscious life on a diet, thinking about a diet, ignoring a diet, or failing on a diet. At age eleven, her mother put Val on her first weight-loss program. As a teen, she was enrolled in Weight Watchers (for which she invented creative ditching methods). As a young woman, her world felt right only when she was able to zip a certain pair of jeans. Not wanting to pass this legacy on to her own daughters, Valerie set out to cleanse herself of her obsession. Thin Is the New Happy is the true story of one woman’s quest to exorcise her bad body-image demons, to uncover the truths behind what put them there, and to learn how to truly love herself. It’s a poignant, hilarious, and all-out honest account of one woman’s struggle with body image—the filter through which she’s always seen the world—and the way she ultimately overcame it.
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Outside of her family and close friends, Annie had not mentioned the sexathon to anybody, which probably was the best way to go. I, however, had blathered on about the endeavor to anybody with ears. It was the whole Heisman Trophy thing. On this, my first day back in the office after kicking off the sexpedition, my boss blushed when she saw me. Another boss reddened as well. Yet another beheld me, took a few steps back, and asked, “Uh, how’s it going?” He actually circumnavigated me after I answered, like I’d morphed into some hellion driven by fierce, feral loin power . . . I felt stronger. I felt suave. I felt—gasp—Mediterranean. I’d instantly become an objectified sexual being: That man had sex last night! He is going to do it again tonight! Wow!
—From Just Do It
Creeping into middle-age and saddled with work deadlines, child-rearing, homemaking, and fourteen years of togetherness, an ordinary, happy but harried couple set an outlandish goal: to have sex for 101 consecutive days—no excuses (not even the flu, late-night child wanderings, or flat-out exhaustion).
What ensued is by turns hilarious, tender, and seductive, including sexual romps in hotels (both cheap and classy), at an ashram, in a basement, atop boulders and unstable easy chairs, but most often in their own bedroom, which they dubbed the “sex den.” As Doug and Annie Brown literally screwed their way through months of a cold Colorado winter, they turned up the heat by attending the Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas (the Oscars of the porn world); taking Bikram “hot” yoga to get limber; and stocking up on candles, Viagra (just in case), lube, lingerie, and sex toys galore.
But besides the awe in their ability to get it on day after day—and actually enjoy it—they were more surprised and touched by how much closer they became, relishing conversations, holding hands, hanging out in hip coffee shops together instead of in the aisles of Target, and firming up (no pun intended) a relationship that already seemed as good as it could get.
Seeking out babysitters, getting fit, and dressing up, these two forty-year-olds began courting each other the way they did when they first met in their twenties, only seven moves and two pregnancies later. As Doug Brown lays everything bare—from his triumphs to his tanks (yes to making love on an exercise ball; no to Tantric sex tricks), we get an inside look at the male mind and discover that a good husband and a good dad can also be one hell of a lover.
The jolt that every marriage needs and longs for, Just Do It proves that even when it feels like there’s never enough time or energy, trust Annie and Doug...THERE IS.
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A modern classic, and a phenomenal bestseller, this simple collection of thoughts and gentle opinion has struck a deep chord in readers all over the world. Observing our times in his unique way, Robert Fulghum has tapped into the community that we all share and tells us something about ourselves and how to be the best we are capable of. He reminds us to share, clean up our own mess, take a nap every afternoon, and to be aware of wonder.
"Within simplicity lies the sublime."
SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE
"A healthy antidote to the horrors that pummel us in this dicey age."
THE BALTIMORE SUN
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Everyone can use a daily wake-up call. Now in bite-size mantras, the abridged empathetic wit and wisdom of the number one New York Times bestseller He's Just Not That Into You will recharge and inspire your dating outlook one wake-up call at a time.
For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men. Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.
The truth may be, He's just not that into you.
He's Just Not That Into You -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. This book knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better
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The prevaricating pros who helped students glide through seven years of college in The CollegeHumor Guide to College are back to show post-grads how to turn life into an "Easy A" by, well, faking it. From sounding like an MBA to bribing the ma”tre d' to acting sensitive post-sex, here is everything aspiring equivocators need to know to B.S. their way to success in the real world. As the authors remind readers: "The important thing isn't who you are; it's who other people think you are." With this poseur's bible in hand, a generation is poised to go forth and fake it.
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The names change, but the game remains the same. The pimp has reached nearly mythical status. We are fascinated by the question of how a guy from the ghetto with no startup capital and no credit -- nothing but the words out of his mouth -- comes not only to have a stable of sexy women who consider him "their man," but to drive a Rolls, sport diamonds, and wear custom suits and alligator shoes from Italy.
His secret is to follow the "unwritten rules of the game" -- a set of regulations handed down orally from older, wiser macks -- which give him superhuman powers of charm, psychological manipulation, and persuasion.
In Pimpology, star of the documentaries Pimps Up, Ho's Down and American Pimp and Annual Players Ball Mack of the Year winner Ken Ivy pulls a square's coat on the unwritten rules that took him from the ghetto streets to the executive suites. Ken's lessons will serve any person in any interaction: Whether at work, in relationships, or among friends, somebody's got to be on top. To be the one with the upper hand, you've got to have good game, and good game starts with knowing the rules.
If you want the money, power, and respect you dream of, you can't just "pimp your ride," you need to pimp your whole life. And unless you've seen Ray Charles leading Stevie Wonder somewhere, you need Ken's guidelines to do it. They'll reach out and touch you like AT&T and bring good things to life like GE. Then you can be the boss with the hot sauce who gets it all like Monty Hall.
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Did you keep a diary during your teen years? Do you have a box of loopy-cursive, never-sent notes to your crush? Or some overwrought poetry about your bleak existence? An unfinished rockopera? Well, you’re not alone, and in Cringe, you’ll find a reason to unearth your adolescent angst and have a good laugh—at yourself.
A compilation of real teenage diary and journal entries, letters,
songs, stories, and lists—along with biting commentary, background, and self-examination from the now so-called grown-ups who wrote them—Cringe offers a voyeuristic glimpse at the roller coaster of youth in all of its navel-gazing, soul-searching, social-skewering glory.
Cringe -worthy excerpts include
Really bad poetry:
I lumber like the sad clown with
the hope that my performance
might make you smile.
Yet I am a flickering star over
a cloudy sky.
Blush-inducing pep talks:
OK. It’s the end of February. No more
kidding around! You have to go out
with someone! You haven’t gone out
with someone since the summer!
At least fool around with someone!
Come on! You’ve got it in ya!
Questionable motivations:
My mom is madly in love with
her boyfriend. . . . Cool! He’s so rich
. . . I could get a lot out of this—
vacations, a car—if he buys my mom
one + she gives me hers—psyche!
And rages against the world at large:
I am living in a dream world.
Wishes are a bunch of crap.
They never come true so what’s
the use of even wasting your
time hoping they’ll come true
when they don’t?
Inspired by the New York–based reading series of the same name, Cringe will help you realize that being a grown-up isn’t all that terrible. At least you don’t have to worry about who’s going to be at the mall anymore.