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Books : Parenting & Families : Parenting & Families
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Jenny McCarthy’s best-selling Belly Laughs reveals all the joys and sweet discoveries of being pregnant, from puking bouts and hormonal rage to hemorrhoids, pregnant sex, and big ol’ granny underpants. McCarthy draws from her own difficult pregnancy to discuss every stage of expectant motherhood in vivid, sometimes excruciating — and excruciatingly funny — detail. Belly Laughs is a must-read for any woman who is pregnant, has ever been pregnant, or hopes to become pregnant.
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This is a story about the year I exploded into flames. Which turns out to be more common than you’d think, among forty-something humans. Yea, we can hold it together in our thirties, with a raft of hair products and semi-tall nonfat half-caf beverages and much brisk walking to a lot of interesting appointments. Come the forties, though, cracks begin to appear. One staggers suddenly along life’s path; gourmet coffee splats; the wig slips askew. In other words, my friends, THE WHEELS COME OFF.
Sandra Tsing Loh is the fiercest, funniest, and most incredibly honest and self-deprecating voice to emerge from the “mommy war” debates. In Mother on Fire, she fires away with her trademark hilarious satire of societal and personal irks large and small, including limo liberals who preach the virtues of public school but send their children to fashionable private ones, the proliferation of costly skin-care products that just don’t cut it, society’s obsession with aromatherapy, her Chinese father’s disdain for her life as an artist, and $10 Target pants (“Are they running pants, exercise pants, pajama pants?”) that are the ubiquitous Mother of Small Children uniform.
Prompted by her own midlife crisis, Loh throws her frantic energy not into illicit affairs, shopping binges, or exotic trips, but into the harrowing heart of contemporary, dysfunctional L.A. life when she realizes that she can’t afford private school for her daughter, and her only alternative is her neighborhood’s public school, Guavatorina, where most of the kids speak Spanish and qualify for free lunches. In a theater-of-the-absurd-style odyssey, Mother on Fire documents Loh’s “year of living dangerously” among pompous school admissions officials, lactose-intolerant, Prius-driving parents, mafia dons of public radio, vindictive bosses, and old friends with new money as she first kisses ass—and then kicks it.
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Jenny McCarthy’s hilarious, no-holds-barred personality has made her an instantly recognizable TV personality and a bestselling author. In Baby Laughs she examines the full range of challenges that new mothers face, including:
• The humiliations of postnatal “numbing spray,” Tucks medicated pads, and adult diapers; jelly belly, balding, and gum disease; and becoming a “five-foot puke rag” for the baby
• Heart-stopping terrors, such as baby manicures, breathing checks, and burp failures
• Inadequacies, such as lullaby illiteracy and the need for a “heavy rotation” of toys, videos, and mobiles
• Daddy antics, such as infant wrestling, home-movie mania, sleeping like a log, and expecting sex
• Dueling grandmas, germ-ridden guests, Olympic-class competitive mommies, anorexic pets— and much more.Mothers and fathers will find much-needed relief and insight in this sometimes touching, sometimes gritty, but always perceptive and outrageously funny account of what it truly means to have your very own small bundle of joy.
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Complete with weird baby names, tips on how to avoid a sympathetic pregnancy, and a discourse on the evolution of ESPN and the role it plays postdelivery, Hill's tome has been thoroughly revised to account for not only the usual father-to-be questions but also the often baffling and amusing technological and medical advances awaiting today's four million expectant dads.This hilarious month-by-month guide offers new and veteran dads solace, laughter, and a bit of useful information, including a question-and-answer chapter covering basics like "How much does having a baby cost?"; visual charts assessing such things as the breakdown behind the mom-to-be's weight gain; sidebars covering common wife complaints and anticipated purchases; and much more.
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2nd Edition, updated and expanded!You've expanded (to the point where you've traded high-fashion maternity wear for your husband's XXL T-shirts), answered way too many questions about your babies' conception, and felt your belly bounce like jelly as your dynamic duo engaged in a boxing match. And the adventure has only begun!
In her first humor-packed guide to raising twins, Elizabeth Lyons and her "multiples" sorority offer the wisdom of their combined experience in the form of practical shortcuts, real-world strategies, and sage advice.
Topics include:
- Preparing the Lair: Mandatory Gear for Babies and Mom
- Twinproofing Your Marriage
- Breastfeeding Strategies (and Why It s Okay if You Don t)
- Unsolicited Advice: Stories from the Trenches
- Getting Twins on a Schedule Preferably the Same OneLyons balances the day-to-day challenges of raising twins from double feedings to sleep deprivation to getting out while pretending everything's under control with a sanity-saving dose of camaraderie. By the end, you ll be smiling and shouting, "Thank heaven, I m not alone!"
"Elizabeth Lyons' humorous yet realistic perspective provides new parents of twins with a great starting point from which to embark on that all-important first year." Dr. Bob Covert, Leading Chicagoland neonatologist
"Elizabeth Lyons captures the universal discourse of sisterhood while guiding new mothers of twins through the first year." Kathy Voit, RNC, Labor and Delivery nurse
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From the million-copy bestselling author of Running with Scissors comes Augusten Burroughs’s most provocative collection yet.This audiobook is approved for consumption by those seeking pleasure, escape, amusement, enlightenment, or general distraction. This audiobook is not approved to treat disorders such as eBay addiction or incessant blind dating.In studies, some people reported inappropriate, convulsive laughter, a tingling sensation in the limbs, and sudden gasping. Fewer than 1 percent reported narcolepsy.Doll collectors may experience special sensitivity, as may discourteous drivers, candy-company brand managers, and nicotine-gum users.This audiobook has been shown to be especially helpful to those with parents, grandparents, life partners, and incontinent dogs. People with dry, cracked skin have responded well to this audiobook, as have people with certain heart conditions.Do not operate heavy machinery while listening to this book, until you know what effects it may have on you.This audiobook is contraindicated in those suffering from certain psychiatric disorders, including---but not limited to---listeners afflicted with anhedonia, which is the inability to experience pleasure.Ask your doctor about Possible Side Effects.
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Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear
"Connection Parenting" is based on author Pam Leo’s seven week parenting series, "Meeting the Needs of Children," that she has been teaching for over sixteen years. The premise is that a strong parent-child bond is the key to children's optimal human development and our most effective parenting tool. Connection Parenting is a proactive approach to parenting that supports parents and caregivers in creating and maintaining the strong bonds children need to thrive.
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Ever since Eve asked Adam, "Do I look fat in this fig leaf?" it has been apparent that husbands don't know how to relate to their wives. Men believe they understand women and vice versa, but really men know as much about women as a cocker spaniel knows about assembling a Weber grill.
Welcome to The Mr. & Mrs. Happy Handbook, Steve Doocy's laugh-out-loud perspective on love, marriage, and family. The book can be used for its hilarious husband and wife wisdom or, if things aren't going well, as a projectile to get somebody's attention. This is not an advice book. It is a don't even think of trying this book. The author, his family, and his collection of friends (some very famous in the worlds of entertainment, business, and politics) have already discreetly made almost every conceivable marriage mistake, and it is their hope that this irrev- erent manual can save you the trouble of being an idiot on your own.
Doocy, co-host of Fox & Friends, who has been married for twenty consecutive years, provides real slice-of-life stories on everything from early marriage ("I love you, you're perfect, now wear this thong") and pregnancy ("You're eating for two? Who— you and Shaquille O'Neal?") to sending your child to college ("Is that a funnel?") and retirement (high-fiber appetizers on Viagra dates). Most of the stories conclude with "corrections" and additional wise words from Doocy's real-life wife, Kathy, who, after two decades of picking up Steve's socks in the garage, has developed a zany sense of humor herself.
There is also a handy troubleshooting section for when things go haywire, like during the eye- opening experiment undertaken especially for this book, wherein the author wanted to prove to his wife that they were perfect for each other, so he had them join an on-line dating service. Out of a database of several hundred thousand guys, he was not in her top 532 local men. Despite the fact that their one- month experiment ended a year ago, she's still getting photographs of single men whose head shots appear to have been taken at a recent skinhead convention. Luckily for him, she still prefers "bonehead to skinhead."
This book is a celebration of the pageantry that is wedlock, which starts with an "I do" and sometimes ends with a boiled rabbit. Let's face it, marriage isn't always as smooth as a forty-year-old's forehead after six months of Botox. In fact, marriage is ridiculously hard, but laughing about it is now incredibly easy with The Mr. & Mrs. Happy Handbook.
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Jenny McCarthy, New York Times bestselling author of Baby Laughs and Belly Laughs, speaks candidly about the challenges and the humor to be found in balancing motherhood and the ups and downs of marriage.Jenny McCarthy’s honesty has made her a bestseller. In Life Laughs, Jenny opens up about all of the things no one told you before you got married and had kids. Of course there’s plenty of Jenny’s outrageous humor, but she also writes openly and for the first time about doing your best when marriage falters and about her own divorce, which made headlines when it was announced in the summer of 2005. Jenny doesn’t pretend to be an expert in her books; she is instead something more valuable—a good girlfriend. Catch Jenny’s take on growing older, finances, PMS, sex, dating . . . and again, mommyhood.
Jenny McCarthy is a trusted, brand-name, bestselling author, and Life Laughs is poised to be her biggest book yet.
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Each month, more than half a million readers turn to the 25 mommyblogs featured in this collection for advice and a sense of camaraderie, and this anthology brings together their best and brightest essays, ranging in style from snort-Diet-Coke-out-the-nose funny to poignant and bittersweet. Written to be read during the mind-bogglingly short breaks parents get during their busy days, these pieces will help moms find solace in a wide range of viewpoints and issues not often discussed in mainstream magazines and other parenting books. From dealing with rage to negotiating sleeping arrangements to the frustration and joy of parenting a special needs child, this is the perfect read for the hip but harried mother that says "you are still you."
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What do you get when you mix a blunt-talking, famous efficiency-expert father and a brilliant, compassionate psychologist mother with twelve rambunctious offspring of various sizes? You get one of America's all-time best- loved memoirs! The hilarious story of growing up Gilbreth has already delighted generations of readers -- and it remains as joyous and exuberant as ever. Laugh along with the adventures of the large, irrepressible family unit that redefined the term -- and proved the old adage, the more the merrier ... and scarier!
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New parents are often overwhelmed-and befuddled-when it comes to caring for their bundle of joy. Luckily Safe Baby Handling Tips saves the day with its hilarious “do’s and don’ts” on baby care. Now incompetent parents everywhere can benefit from this indispensable guide, which also includes a unique Wheel of Responsibility™ to help moms and dads negotiate baby chores (and shirk diaper duty!) whenever they can. Makes baby-rearing a blast!
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To celebrate the 10th anniversary of Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson shares his thoughts on cartooning and the creation of the popular "boy and tiger" strip. The book is illustrated throughout with his favourite cartoons.
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Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile conducted interviews with hundreds of mothers while researching their best-selling book I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids. It didn't take long before these moms began to reveal their Dirty Little Secrets—surprising, thought-provoking, guilty confessions they hadn't told anyone else. Cringe-worthy moments ("I bit my daughter's finger trying to steal a bite of her cookie.") meet real insights ("I love my kids but I didn't always. It took time to fall in love with them."). These are the private thoughts that every mom has—and every mom can relate to.
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Rabbits. We’ll never quite know why, but sometimes they decide they’ve just had enough of this world. A Box of Bunny Suicides follows over two hundred bunnies as they find ever more outlandish ways to do themselves in. From an encounter with the business end of Darth Vader’s light saber to hiding under an elephant’s footstool, no stone goes unturned (or undropped, or uncatapulted) as these twisted little cuties sign off in style.A Box of Bunny Suicides combines Andy Riley’s two cult favorite books, The Book of Bunny Suicides and The Return of the Bunny Suicides, and will appeal to anyone in touch with their darker side.